i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
