I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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