explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
