i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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