...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
