Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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