This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
cat food counts as protein by the way
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
