I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
