No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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