Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
