is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
