dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
