My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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