i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
