My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The struggles of a small town man whore
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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