My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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