On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
3 2 1 whiskey
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
