Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
