party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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