it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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