I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
