what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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