Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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