pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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