i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I would ride that face into the sunset
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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