i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize