Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
