im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
