i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
