I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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