No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
