i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
