just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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