I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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