I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
