WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
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She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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