READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
