Midget sex pt 2 tonight
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
