she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
