Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
