Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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