Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
