I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
