Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
