therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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