i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Randomize
