Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
