I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
