I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
