Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
