I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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