i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
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Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
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So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
When are your genitals available?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize