Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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