you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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