is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
