My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
