So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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