she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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