You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
