Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
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You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
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I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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