4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
