I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
