Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
