She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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