It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
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I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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