he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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