He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
