My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
