The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
