when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
