butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
