He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
