Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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