You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
