i think my tv is drunk
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
