Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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