you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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